The Cardiff Half

So, 6 months ago it sounded like a laugh,
Your mates convinced you to run the Cardiff Half!
You’d done a Park Run, you’d run for the train,
you’d played with the dog in the pouring rain!
13.1 miles, how hard can it be?
Plenty have done it, even John from IT!

You downloaded a program and a running app,
You’ve plotted all of your runs on a Strava map!
You bought a Garmin watch and got your gate analysis done,
Now all that’s left is to learn how to run!

Every Sunday morning you’re out with the Lark,
How many more times do I need to run around this park?
You got new leggings and trainers, you went to Moti,
and you’re starting to look like a right running hotti!

You’ve run through the snow and the heat and the rain,
You’ve hit many walls but you’ve pushed through the pain!
So many blisters but many more miles in the bank,
You’ve done the training, you’ve got fuel in the tank!

So, the time has come, the week to rest is here,
The Cardiff Half is excitingly near!
You may be nervous, anxious and scared,
but please remember how well you’ve prepared!

The crowd will be with you, they will cheer you along,
there will be music and singing from the sound of the gong.
If that’s not enough, I’ll be there with the food,
Jelly babies and smarties will keep you in the right mood

Don’t forget the Vaseline especially your crotch,
You want your bits feeling top notch!
Say goodbye to your toenails, they’re overrated,
and this time tomorrow you’ll be heavily sedated!

The Cardiff Half is so scenic a run,
the best of our city from the sound of the gun
You run past the castle and down past the city
Penarth Marina is ever so pretty!
Over the barrage, and down to the Bay,
down through Butetown you’re almost half way!

When you get to the park you’ll have 3 miles to go,
It’s here that your body may start to slow!
But you’re almost there, the finish line is near,
So, why oh why did they put the largest hill here??!!
Fairoak Rd, you’re a pain in my tired fat arse,
This half marathon running is a total farce!!

It’s downhill from here, a sprint finish for some,
Run over the line, you’ve got the job done!
Massive congrats, you’ve smashed running the diff!
26.2 miles next? No, **** off, as if!!!!!